


Let Me

by atc74writesSPN



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Loneliness, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 18:46:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17188391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atc74writesSPN/pseuds/atc74writesSPN
Summary: Y/N is going through a divorce and feeling all alone in her struggle when she leans on her best friend for support.





	Let Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story of my personal struggle for the last year. I hope you enjoy it. It was therapeutic to write and hopefully someone else can find hope here.

“Hey Sweetheart. How you doing?” Dean’s voice was soothing as ever as his voice filled the interior of my car.

“Just driving home after a long day,” I sighed, a little too loudly.

“That doesn’t sound good. Where’s my usual happy chipper girl?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know where she is anymore, Dean. I can’t find her,” my voice cracked and tears welled in my eyes.

“Hey, pretty girl, listen to me. We’ll find her. I am on overnights tonight, but how about I swing by with dinner for us tomorrow night before my shift? That sound good?” he asked, his voice filled with concern.

“Yeah, that sounds good, Dean,” I breathed out, relieved at the thought of seeing my best friend.

“Listen, I gotta run, we hope to wrap up this big case tonight, but I’ll see you tomorrow about six, okay?” he asked.

“Be safe, don’t take chances,” I reminded him like I always did when he was on the job, and sometimes when he wasn’t. “Bye Dean.”

“See ya Sweetheart,” Dean said then ended the call.

I worried about him on the job as much as he worried about me. Dean was a great police officer, but when he got the promotion to detective, I started worrying a whole lot more. He wasn’t just a beat cop anymore. Now he was directly in the line of fire on every case he worked. It left a hole in my chest when I wouldn’t hear from him for days, or even weeks, when a case really got going.

I shook those thoughts from my head as I rounded the corner and my house came into view. I knew waiting inside would be my pride and joy; my reason for fighting. I pushed the button to open my garage door and slowed as I pulled into my drive. Easing my car inside, I killed the engine, shut the overhead door and took a few deep breaths. I hated bringing work home with me, even more so, I hated bringing the baggage from work home with me. I gathered my things and got out of the car, walking into the house. I set my bags down and called out.

“Boys! I’m home!” I was first greeted by a rambunctious wanna be puppy, who was begging to be let outside.

“Hi Mama!” My ten year old son answered from his room. “What’s for dinner?”

“I don’t know yet, Bud. What sounds good?” I asked. This is the same conversation we have every night. Some nights I plan, more often than not, I don’t and we wing it. Tonight sounded like a wing it kind of night.

“I don’t care, Mama. Whatever you want is fine with me,” he replied.

“Say, Dean is stopping by tomorrow and bringing dinner,” I informed him as I headed to my room to change.

“Awesome!” was the response I got back.

Dean was great with Noah and he was good for him, too. Noah’s father wasn’t really in the picture. He just stopped showing up in our marriage so I ended it. It was an easy decision to do what was right for me and my son, but that doesn’t make the situation any better. Noah didn’t have a decent male role model and now that he was entering those crucial years, I worried more and more if I could provide what he needed.

As I changed my clothes tears filled my eyes once more, something that happened a lot more than it used to. I couldn’t help thinking I wasn’t doing enough with him, for him. That I was failing as a mother. Somewhere deep in my mind, I knew I was good enough, but it was those loud voices that stayed in my head, telling me I was doing everything wrong. I wiped the tears away, shoved the voices back down and headed to the kitchen to make dinner.

We had a quiet night cuddled up in my bed with a movie and some popcorn. It was warm and cozy and before I knew it, I fell asleep.

I bolted upright in bed. I’d had another nightmare. Another nightmare where I felt like I was failing. At work, at home. At everything. It was one in the morning. I knew I needed to calm down before I could sleep again, so I picked up my phone, slipping out of bed.

***you have a few minutes?***

His text reply was instant.

***Yeah, everything okay?***

I tapped his number from my contact list and placed the phone up to my ear. I settled into the couch, pulling a blanket over my lap.

“Y/N? Sweetheart, are you okay?” Dean asked.

“No, not really. I had a nightmare,” I admitted,

“Oh, Y/N/N, I’m so sorry,” he murmured.

“Hey, it’s not your issue, but I just needed to calm down a bit, so I can get back to sleep and you’ve always been able to calm me down before, sooo…” I trailed off, my fingers playing with the frayed blanket on my lap.

Dean and I talked for about ten or fifteen minutes before I yawned loudly into the phone.

“You feel better Sweetheart?” Dean asked, his voice quieter.

“Yeah, I do. Thank you for talking to me,” I said, feeling lighter than before.

“Perks of working an overnight. I am here for you anytime, Y/N/N,” Dean reminded me.

My eyelids were heavy as we said goodnight and I dragged myself back up the stairs and into my bed. A quick glance at the clock told me I could get about three and half more hours of sleep. I curled up on my side and closed my eyes.

After shutting the alarm off, I sighed heavily, tossing the blanket aside and trudging to the bathroom to start another day. As I showered, I felt a smile creep up on me. At least Dean was coming over and that was something to look forward to.

I had another craptastic day, ending with yet another conversation with my boss about something I didn’t do to her expectations, which, by the way, are entirely too high. I am excellent at my job. I am a people person. Just let me do my damn job without you crawling up my ass about it every other fucking day. Okay, that is what I wanted to say, but I did not, because I also need to keep my job. Being a single parent without any support is a bitch and I couldn’t afford to take a pay cut if I had to look for another job.

Once more on the drive home, tears flooded my vision as my mind got wrapped up in everything. Stress is a normal state for me, having lived the life I have for the last fifteen years. I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy transition, but I also didn’t think it was going to be this hard.

I rushed through the door and quickly changed, greeting both my son and the dog. I cleaned up the table and straightened a few things around the house before Dean arrived. The dog jumped up on the sofa, sticking his head through the curtains and started barking and I knew our guest had arrived.

“Noah, Dean’s here!” I called up the stairs.

Dean knew better to knock and I heard the door open and shut quietly. The dog was still barking at Dean’s 1967 Impala in the driveway, not even aware he was already in the house. I walked to the kitchen to greet my friend. I don’t think I even knew how much I needed him until I saw him smiling. Tears immediately blurred my vision as I hurried to him. His strong arms pulled me in and wrapped around me. I buried my face in his chest, my tears running down his leather jacket.

“Hey, hey, Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” He asked, pulling back a bit. He placed one finger under my chin, tilting my face up to meet his. “Shhh, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” I shook my head.

“Hey Dean!” Noah shouted, bounding into the kitchen. “What’s wrong Mom?”

“Nothing, baby. I’m just so happy to see Dean,” I lied.

“Here Bud. I brought your favorite pizza. I bet if you promise not to make a mess, your mom here won’t mind if you eat it in her room while you watch a movie,” Dean addressed Noah, handing him his dinner.

“Really?!” his eyes widened at the thought of getting to eat in bed without consequences.

“Yeah, really,” Dean nodded. “Your mom and I are just gonna catch up while we eat, okay?”

Noah didn’t respond. He just ran back up the stairs, holding tight to his mac and cheese pizza.

Dean ushered me to the sofa, then came back a few minutes later with dinner, a bottle of wine and two glasses.

“What are you doing? You have to work tonight,” I wiped the tears from my face.

“Nope, I called in. We wrapped the case last night, so now it’s just paperwork and I can do that tomorrow. My friend needs me right now, so this is where I need to be,” Dean informed me as he opened the wine and poured us each a glass.

“Dean, I can’t let you do that,” I told him, taking a sip.

“Y/N, you’re not letting me do anything. I am doing this because you need someone and right now that someone is me. What are sick days for if you don’t use ‘em?” he chuckled.

We ate in comfortable silence, just like always. There was never any pressure with Dean to make small talk. We had been known to sit for hours and not say a word, but that had been a long time, back when our lives were less complicated.

After dinner and one bottle of wine was finished, we sat back on the couch, a movie on quietly in the background. Dean was reclined into the corner and I curled up into his side. It was comfortable, Dean was comfortable.

“So tell me, what’s going on, Y/N/N,” Dean prompted. “You haven’t sounded like yourself the last few times we’ve talked.”

I took a deep breath. I knew I could share my feelings with Dean, he has been my best friend for years. I didn’t really know where to start so I just started talking.

“It’s just too much, ya know? How can I feel so alone when I am surrounded by friends and people most of my day? I feel utterly and completely on my own. You know how when you’re going through a hard time and everyone you know says  _‘call me if you need anything?_ ’ Well, guess what happens when you call? They’re busy. Or they hem and haw because they don’t really want to help, maybe, I don’t know.

“I haven’t been out, or had a night off in almost two months. I love my son more than anything, but I need some adult time, too. I have called and texted my friends and I don’t hear back from them for days. And even then, it is just a quick reply, telling me how busy they are. Then when someone asks how I am and tell the truth, they get all weird and apologetic.  _‘I’m so sorry, I wish there was something I could do_.’ I want to scream! I’ve been strong for so long, but do you know what the problem is with that? No one asks if you’re okay.”

“You are the strongest person I know, Y/N/N. You’ve always been there for me, even when you didn’t need to be. You were there for me through everything that went down when my dad died.” Dean shifted, pulling me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me. “Sweetheart, why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you say something?”

“Dean, you have a life, you have a job, a very important job. You don’t have time for my personal drama,” you mumbled into his chest.

“Hey, I’m your friend. I know this is not easy for you. I know your ex dickbag loser isn’t helping. I know he doesn’t send you any money, I know he doesn’t come see Noah. But listen to me very carefully when I say this. I am never too busy for you, or Noah. Ever,” Dean’s voice was strong and determined as he spoke.

“Dean, you’ve known me for a long time. I worked so hard to become independent and I feel like I should be able to do this myself. It’s hard for me to ask for help,” my voice breaking once more as I felt the tears start.

“Hey, asking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re not independent, it just means you’re human and you need help,” Dean told me.

“How do I do this, Dean? I don’t think I know how to do this by myself,” I cried.

“Y/N/N, you don’t have to do it by yourself. You’ve got me, anytime you need me, I’m here,” Dean promised. “In fact, I have the next week off. You make plans with some friends this weekend and I will take Noah. We’ll go to the batting cages, gorge ourselves on junk food and pass out in our clothes on my couch while watching a movie we probably shouldn’t.”

“Dean…” I started, but he put his finger to my lips, halting any argument I had.

“I happen to know you’re off for the next week too. So Sunday night, Noah is going to go over to Sam’s. He’ll kick his butt in Fortnite and I am taking you out,” Dean declared.

“Oh, you are, huh?” I laughed, looking up into his eyes.

“Yeah, I should’ve asked you out a long time ago. I need you and you need me. It’s perfect. Let me take care you, Sweetheart. You and Noah. It’s about time you let someone take care of you. I want it to be me,” Dean ducked his head down. “I’m gonna kiss you now, if that’s okay.”

“I’ve been waiting twenty years for you to kiss me,” I whispered.

I’d experienced a lot of first kisses, but none compared to my last first kiss. With the past year almost behind me and Dean in front of me, I was optimistic about our future and knew there were more kisses to look forward to in the new year and for years to come.


End file.
